THE PEOPLE PLEASER IN ME

While everybody sat in my house...burning up in an unairconditioned house...I just smiled and tried to be the best host ever...The need to please and be liked by everyone prevented me from saying..."Look if you're hot go home...and besides I have a newborn baby, and I need to unpack... Now living in the one place where I see endless Financial Opportunities has turned into a living hell...I can't even concentrate on having a sex with my husband because I'm so conditioned to endless interruptions...So every time were able to have a little intimate time..I'm constantly pushing him off of me and looking out the window..for unexpected guest...after 3 or 4 years of that..anyone sex's life would be a total WRECK.....

TROUBLE STARTING TO BREW

Okay so after the birth of my third child, my lovely baby girl..my love life takes a turn for "NOT HAVING IT" SO MUCH VILLE...but that's okay because we are still trying to figure out if our son with Autism will be able to attend regular elementary school...Maybe as it gets closer to his 5th birthday..he will miraculously develop kindergarten level social skills and decent conversational speech...But unfortunately Autism doesn't work like that.
 Okay back to sex..I have to stop and throw certain things in because a lot of things got me to this point of an unfulfilled sex life with limited if any orgasms...so Three kids  later and now money is tighter than ever..the adjustable rate mortgage goes in the wrong direction..and we owe the IRS...so my husband and I are forced to make some hard decision..give up the extravagant upper middle class lifestyle..big house, fancy car, large backyard...etc..you know...Well to make a long story short because I can put so much in that my imagination could not possibly make it all up. ...we Moved back to my hometown..into my Great-Grandmother's House....with a less than $22,000 mortgage....small charming more than a century old home...no insulation, no 20th century or 21st century amenities...I mean talk about a drastic lifestyle change we went from paying 2 grand a month for a mortgage to barely $400 month for a mortgage and now own my great-mother's home outright...It's still so much we want to do to the house...so we piled on the Cottage Magazines, HOUSE BEAUTIFUL, COTTAGE LIVING, THIS OLD HOUSE...I mean endless possibilities for something steeped in history for me because my mother and grandmother grew up in this house...and My Great-Grandmother's life as a young woman began here..My husband was over the moon with non-stop projects...Lowe's, and Home Depot every weekend...Sounds great don't it..Sounds like the perfect Life...Money left to travel and see the world, enough money to get out of debt..YEAH!!! WRONG!!!
I tell you what if my daughter had not been conceived in our former Suburban home...no conception would have taken place in this house...The downside about living in a family home is that relatives and old friends have easy access to you...ZERO PRIVACY.....When we first moved in to my great-grandmother's home there was no AC in the home...Like I told you no central heat and air, nothing that has to do with Modern living,  this house did not have.. It was August 2007...August 11th to be exact and the house was HOT!!!! at least much hotter than I was used to...I have no memory of that house being that hot when I was a kid...it's funny how when you're a kid things like AC really doesn't matter in the Summer..You're only thinking about getting outside playing with you friends all day..and getting wet with the hose in the backyard or going swimming...But anyway I had just had a baby exactly two months ago.. so my body was still very hormonal...and I was breastfeeding..I was just down right uncomfortable..and the last thing I needed was a house full of guest..in  90 degree August heat of South Carolina with no AC...Thinking that common sense would soon kick into my guest....and they would leave...I mean newborn baby, two other kids, packed boxes everywhere, no AC, hot house....no brainer right..maybe someone should have said well we will let you guys get back to unpacking and getting settled in... no one budge...the actually sat in my hot house fanning themselves and complaining...WHY DIDN'T I TELL THEM TO LEAVE....I will tell you why why I come back

Reverse-Betrayl

I'm not a doctor or an expert on sex but I do know this..that an orgasm is like butter cream icing on a very chocolate cake... I really love when I have one but it's not often anymore..Let me start from the beginning of my very poignant sexual discovery...My sex life was great at least that's what I thought...I had two kids 2 sons 9 years apart so I thought I had my fair share of great uninterrupted sex, until I had an orgasm....WHOA!!! You know the sad thing is I thought I was having orgasms when my husband and I was going at it and I'm panting and moaning making him feel like he is really doing something great being submissive and letting him have his way...but I was so wrong..can you believe I was in my late 20's and had never yet experience an orgasm...The reason I knew I had never experience an orgasm was because when I did ...I thought I was cheating on my husband with my husband....I thought we had discovered a new sensation...it was mind blowing..At first I was looking at him in disbelief..I felt a little dirty in a oh so good way..I remembered even asking him, what just happen are you okay...I mean my mind went blank and I was so caught up in the sensation.  It was a  slow building sensation and  the more I move with my husband's rhythm it just kept intensifying until...I was making sounds that in my  normal self compose world would not happen aloud.. I laid in my bed after that moment,and stared at the ceiling...after my husband went to sleep I went straight to google....Typed in the search box how I felt and wanted to know what started that slow steady build up of pure ecstasy....once I pressed enter my sexual world was change forever..."Orgasm"...in every entry was the operative word...Oh my Gosh!!!at the ripe old age of 27 after 9 years of being sexually active I had my first Orgasm....I was stunned, how in the world could I have been an almost soon to be 30 year old women and not experience that...I have always heard that the reason we have drug attics is because once they get that first big hit...that takes them up to the sky...The are constantly trying to recreate that sensation which leads to drug abuse...Now I'm no junkie but I have a brother that has abused drugs for 17 years obviously trying to recreate his first Euphoria...that's some powerful control to steal a man's life for 17 years...But it wasn't until I had my first orgasm that I almost understood his most troubled life...the good thing about an Orgasm vs Drugs is that Orgasms can not only be recreated they can become greater....So Every time after that when I had sex if I didn't have an Orgasm I felt cheated in a way..I mean it really in the beginning got ridiculous I would actually secretly resent my husband if he started with the extra rubbing and and kissing that would break my rhythm...Now I'm not against foreplay..I love that because as I recalled that first night I had my experience we really took our time with the foreplay..I'm talking about that moment when he is about to satisfy himself..he starts the extra kissing and love tugs. 

Anyway fast forward from that first orgasm 10 years and 1 more child later...a beautiful daughter...the orgasms have been far and few between...Since that first time my life has become a unchanging emotional roller coaster...Friends with dwindling marriages and relationship that want more than a little bit of your time on the phone listening to their problems...Family members stopping by without calling, neighbors interrupting sex with small minor requests like borrowing sugar and ketchup...and a 1 teenager in the house...

If anyone out there no what I'm talking about please feel free to comment...If not I will be right back tomorrow complaining...